And Soon the Duet Will Became a Trio (well.. we became a trio!)

A little musical reference in the title to start ;-)

I can't believe it's been a month since our dear Daniel came into this world. I've wanted to sit down and write every detail since that happened, but, as many parents know, life gets pretty busy with a baby! This blog is going to be WAY longer than any blog entry should be, but, I need to get it all out or I'll forget later, so, I will not be offended if the only people who make it through this are our parents.

I consider myself to have had a very fortunate pregnancy. I only ever had minor issues and only one random but treatable complication at the end. I was preparing myself for a long and hard delivery since I figured karma had to kick in at some point, right?

Sunday, December 15th we went to the movies with our friends Jane and Viren (The Hobbit). I'll admit that my back had been hurting more and the previous week I had begun to show signs of prelabour, but, I still had two weeks before my due date, and everyone was telling me that first babies are always late, so, I was trying to psych myself up for another couple weeks of discomfort and trying not to be too anxious to finally meet this thing that had grown inside me for the previous nine months. That night I didn't sleep well (but nothing too abnormal for the end of pregnancy) and my back hurt so bad that by 4am I gave up and got out of bed. Right as I was moving to get out of bed, for a few seconds I thought my water had broke, but, then it stopped, so, I went and put some ice on my back and started contemplating whether or not to take off work for the day. Reid woke up at the normal 6am, and asked me if he needed to stay home. As the pain was only getting worse and has I had started to have some pain in my abdomen as well, I told him to get ready for school but that I'd call the midwife and ask what she thought about my symptoms (at this point I figured it was false labour). Then BAM. The contractions started coming, and coming often. Every 4-5 minutes. I thought, "This can't be it. That's already Stage 2 of labour. I probably ate something bad..." The midwife came over, checked me, and I was already 5 cm dilated and mostly effaced. She was just as surprised as I was.

I'll be honest and that whole morning is just snapshots and blurred memories. I remember sitting on my knees in the car hanging onto the head rest and thanking God that it was early morning and that we didn't have to deal with traffic. We get to the hospital and they send me to the emergency room, despite all three of us insisting that I was in labour and that we just needed to go to the birthing level. We had the documents ready (the ones that were supposedly all we needed to show up for delivery) but as in true Indian fashion, we didn't get to go up until about 5 other people came into the ER to discuss what to do with me (meanwhile I'm contracting every few minutes). We get admitted up to the labour room and they have Reid go fill out paperwork while Lina, the midwife, stayed with me. More confusion with the paperwork kept Reid downstairs for a bit, so, I was so thankful to have Lina there with me. The head gynecologist of the hospital came and insisted I could not possibly as far along as we told them. She checked and conceded that I was maybe 4cm and then scolded me a bit for waiting so long to come to the hospital and that she would immediately send for the epidural. I said I didn't want one and she and the other nurses looked thoroughly complexed. I conceded that if I wanted one later that I would inform them. I think my low long grunting sounds I was making during contractions was probably weirding them out a bit, and later I found out that most had not seen a totally drug free delivery before.

The next few hours were spent ritually grabbing onto Reid's shoulders and resting my head on his chest and rocking back and forth in the "slow dance" pose while Lina pushed down hard on my back with each contraction. I think at one point I laid down on my side, but standing was so much more comfortable (and FORGET sitting or lying on my back). The fetal monitor I had to wear lying flat for 20 minutes was the longest 20 minutes of my life (again, much to the confusion the head gyno and the nurses who couldn't understand why I wasn't lying down in bed this whole time). When my gynecologist showed up I think the words "Praise Jesus" came across my lips. He is so popular, working 4-5 hospitals and 2 clinics and you just don't know with Mumbai traffic that I had fully prepared myself to have him not make it to my delivery (especially with how seemingly fast it was going). He predicted I'd deliver within the next couple hours and I remember the pain was starting to get to me a bit and it was at this point that I remember sort of "checking out". I remember telling myself over and over again in my head "I can do this. I trust my body. My body was made to do this" and Reid later told me he heard me say it out loud once in awhile too. And then it was like I couldn't help it... I needed to push. Lina heard the change in my, well, gruntings, and informed the staff. They checked, asked me to wait a little bit more, but not long after we were soon ready to go to the delivery room. They brought in a gurney, which was ridiculous as the delivery room was literally across the hall from my room, so, I waddled past it (again to the stares of the hospital staff) and up onto the delivery table. I remember someone pulling off my socks and Dr. Sheriar helping me get into position.

The pushing stage I remember the least details. I remember for some reason having to be on my back, which is exactly what I DIDN"T want and that the pain was beyond intense. After we had begun, our pediatrician arrived and I said another "thank you God" as he is also a very busy man. Then I noticed about 12 other random people in the room. It's a good thing I'm not a very particular (or modest) person with such things as the people with clipboards in their suits took notes and asked questions. I guess we were one of the first foreign couples to choose this rather new hospital and they wanted to make sure everything was going well and take notes on the process. My doctor in between contractions would instruct them on what the delivery room should have, what inventory they were low on or missing and what to expect or be prepared for. Reid and Lina wiped sweat off my face or continued to get me drinks of water (I do remember feeling about as hot as I've ever been). My doctor and our pediatrician know each other well and were chatting back and forth (again, after coaching me through each contraction) when I heard him say "You know, these are music teachers, we better have some music in here!" and he got out his phone and all of a sudden I'm pushing to the music of ABBA (S.O.S.) and Queen. There was a moment when I thought, "this is definitely strange. I'm making low, grunting, animal like sounds, sweating buckets, probably pooping on the table but can't tell,  and they're all chatting away and rocking out to Bohemian Rhapsody." - Like I was just another person in the room hanging out and could start singing along at any moment.

After good progress, things started to slow down. I remember feeling my contractions getting weaker, no matter how hard I pushed. I guess the labour had been so hard, intense, and fast, and my baby's head was turned sideways and having a hard time getting through, that my body began to give up. After trying to move the head manually, the doctor warned me we may need to get out the vacuum and I just thought to myself that after all this please let the vacuum work, I really did not want a c-section. After the pediatrician on one side and the hospital gynecologist on the other pushing down from my stomach to help still didn't get him out, the vacuum was inserted and he said that with one final push together I would have my baby.

And then I pushed as hard as I could and he didn't come out. All of a sudden I heard fast Hindi being spoken and people moving around. The gentle coaching from my doctor and the pediatrician turned into strong almost football-coach like intensity, yelling at me that I NEEDED to push harder, right now, no HARDER. I remember I started to feel tears coming at this point and saying something like my body was so tired. Why wasn't my baby out? I could tell something hadn't gone right but didn't understand what was happening. And then the pressure released (but not the pain) and I saw the top of the head of my baby as they put him on my stomach. I was so out of it and still not sure what was going on. I remember Reid's voice in my ear whispering "It's a boy". Our pediatrician gently told me that he would let me hold him briefly but that in 15 seconds he was going to take him away because he needed a little help. I looked at the clock, it was 12:20. Six hours earlier I had been debating whether or not to go to work.

I remember watching Reid go over to the warmer/baby station across the room with the pediatrician as I lay there, absolutely in shock and exhausted. And then the fast Hindi from my doctor started up again, and I heard the word "hemorrhage". I felt a stab in my left thigh from a shot, an IV that had been put in just in case during labour was then set up, and two pills were put under my tongue, all of which quickly stopped the excessive bleeding hat had begun.

You never hear about the couple hours after a birth. I did not get to immediately hold my baby. I lay there, now on pain killers and anti-coagulants (that later on made me freezing and convulse for about a half hour) while they sewed me up. Lina stayed with me, giving me more water and telling me what was going on over with Reid and our son. Reid cut the umbilical cord and threw away the razor in the biohazard waste basket AFTER the hospital staff said to just throw it on the floor and our pediatrician promptly yelled at them that that was NOT ok. I didn't have my glasses on, but I could see that they were checking the baby's heart rate (which was exorbitantly fast) and doing something with his arm. After things calmed down, Reid came back over and we decided officially that his name would be Daniel Richard, one of maybe three times I've seen actual tears in my husband's eyes. They wrapped Daniel up and brought him over to me and I finally got to hold him and have our first moment of breast feeding.

Still on the birthing table almost an hour later, most of the staff had left, Reid, Lina, and Daniel had gone back to our room, and I lay there feeling like my lower body had been run over by a dump truck, wondering how in the world I was ever going to get off the table. Two Indian help staff ladies were nervously discussing something, holding gauze and bandages and pointing at different parts of me. I realized they did not know what to do. They finally got up to courage to ask the remaining nurse in the room who was writing notes on a clipboard. She briefly described something in Hindi and also pointed to parts of me and then left the room. The two ladies looked terrified. I mustered a smile and they slowly began to put on what felt like the worlds biggest home made diaper. They helped me put on a new gown, get off the table and into a wheel chair, and back to my room. I smiled at them and they looked beyond relieved.

For the next four days these two room cleaners/assistants constantly came in to check on me and try to communicate in some way, thrilled to have contact with Americans (and also thrilled I think that I didn't yell at them or get them in trouble some way). The phrase that the nurses and assistants kept telling me with wide eyes was "madam, so strong"- again, they were so amazed that I had made it through without pain killers (though, was on pain killers AFTER!) and I have to say that if I had had a really long labour, I don't know if I would have made it through without that epidural, but, I'm still a little proud of myself all the same.

We learned shortly after being back in our room that the vacuum had indeed gotten the head out, but that the shoulders got stuck. I guess this is a very dangerous and serious situation as the baby goes into distress but doing an emergency c-section is no longer a possibility. I guess nature knows best because Daniel's right collar bone broke and that's how he was finally able to get out. I was horrified to see the x-ray, feeling like I had damaged my baby and convinced that I could have pushed harder or done something better, frustrated with my body for getting weaker at the end, but finally let it go after much reassuring from the doctors that it would heal fast, there was no nerve damage, and that it really was the best case scenario for that situation and that all would be fine.

I could write a whole other entry on the first few days after. I didn't cry with joy or feel stressed, scared, or anything that you see in the movies. It was like "ok, now we're parents" and it was all totally... normal.

The hospital time was quiet, restful, sweet (they set up a candlelight dinner for us one night). We left and came home. The moment I walked into our apartment, holding my son, I started to cry. We were home. How much had changed since the last time I walked into that room? I was so... happy. Though pregnancy can seem like forever, 38 weeks, or any amount of time, is insufficient to prepare you for whenever that moment of realization comes.

I'm still in shock. I look down at him sometimes and wonder- are you really mine? Were you really what was kicking and hiccuping inside of me all this time? Can it be possible? Can you really be as beautiful as I think you are?

But mostly, I think about just how blessed Reid and I really are- in one another and now with our child. We've been through ten years together (our 7th wedding anniversary is this summer), and been through many adventures- our senior year of college, living in an Aztec village in Mexico and starting a community band, our first years of teaching, buying a house, moving/traveling to India, back packing in the British Isles and Scandinavia, hiking up Mt. Kinabalu in Borneo.... but, even though we're only one month into it, I know this parenting experience will be our biggest, and best adventure to come.